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The #1 Thing That Makes a Committed Human Relationship Possible

The #1 Thing That Makes a Committed Human Relationship Possible

By: Elizabeth L. Creecy

Do not be hasty with your mouth [speaking careless words or vows] or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter before God. For God is in heaven and you are on earth; therefore let your words be few

Ecclesiastes 5:2 AMP

What do you think is the number one thing that makes a committed human relationship possible?

Go ahead, take a second to think. Okay, okay. I will tell you. 

 

The number one thing is keeping your promises! By keeping your promises, you directly & indirectly build trust with one another. 

 

As a child of God, you are accountable to Him for every word you speak (Matthew 12:36). 

And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak (NLT).

Since we are accountable to God for every word, we must speak truthfully and do what we promise. Perhaps you think that sounds easy, and in many ways, it is, but for some, it is not. 

 

Let’s turn to Matthew 5:33-37 to take a closer look at how we can keep our promises.

33 "You have also heard that our ancestors were told, 'You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord.' 34 But I say, do not make any vows! Do not say, 'By heaven!' because heaven is God's throne. 35 And do not say, 'By the earth!' because the earth is his footstool. And do not say, 'By Jerusalem!' for Jerusalem is the city of the great King. 36 Do not even say, 'By my head!' for you can't turn one hair white or black. 37 Just say a simple, 'Yes, I will,' or 'No, I won't.' Anything beyond this is from the evil one (NLT).

First, you must understand, back in Jesus’ day, much like today, people commonly made oaths or vows. Since God’s law was taken much more seriously than it is today, the religious leaders had created legal loopholes to get free from such obligation. Since Jesus knew what the religious leaders were truthfully doing, He told His followers not to use oaths. Jesus wanted their words alone to be enough (James 5:12).

Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned

(James 5:12 NLT).

Again, Jesus tells us not to make vows (Matt 5:34). The religious leaders designed a system articulating how one declares an oath is dependent on if they must uphold their promise. Their strategy was highly dishonest and contradicting because an oath, by definition, is binding and made light of in God’s law. The leaders said if you swear by heaven, earth, Jerusalem, then the promiser could break their oath without penalty because it was not made in God’s name.

However, who created the heavens, earth, and Jerusalem?

Jesus explained to His followers that an oath, a promise, is an oath – no matter how you cut it or what excuse you attach to it. He explained ALL promises are binding before God, and the words you use to do so are irrelevant.

Jesus commands His followers not to make promises but instead become so well known for their honesty and transparency that oaths were unnecessary.

He wants your godly fruits to shine loudly. Jesus wants your words to be intentional and matter so that no one would doubt or distrust your words.

It’s important to understand Jesus was not condemning oaths about the court of law or marriage. He was referring to those who add statements like “I promise” or “honest.” He said your words need to be so pure, intentional, and well thought out that no one needs to question them because they trust you by experience and reputation that you will do what you say.

Essentially, the real problem here is one’s integrity! How many people do you know whose words mean as much as monopoly money does at a gas station? How many times has your close friend, sibling, spouse, or parent said the words “I promise” only to never move on that promise?

As believers, we are held to a different standard – a higher standard. Jesus is notoriously presenting a traditional standard only to base it on a higher one. He will not let His people off the hook; instead, He sets the hook deeper. Understand everything that Jesus asks you to do – He knows you cannot do it without Him. It is relying on His strength and power, not yours.

Jesus simplifies what He is asking His followers to do in verse 37.

37 Just say a simple, 'Yes, I will,' or 'No, I won't.' Anything beyond this is from the evil one (NLT).

He emphasizes that His followers must tell the truth, allowing people to believe and trust everything else said. Jesus openly tells us that those who add an oath are implying their words cannot be trusted. Think about that for a second. Identify a person in your life who has exemplified their integrity. Do they reinforce what they say with empty words such as “I promise” or “honest?”

The phrase “from the evil one” is also translated as “from evil.” This reveals that those who are sinful and self-righteous need to back up what they say with promises or oaths. However, only a person needs access to oaths when they know they can lie and give false hope.

Matthew 5:37 is a verse that can help anyone stay more pure, honest, and transparent in their effective communication. Suppose you are someone who struggles to say no, implement boundaries, put too much on yourself, or worry about what God or others think about you. In that case, this verse can help you practice assertive communication and begin to break the Spirit of Fear of Man.

Believers must learn how to say “yes” & “no,” and mean it wholeheartedly. God cares about your heart attitude, so much so that He even says in Matt. 5:28 that if a man or woman looks at another man or woman with lustful eyes, then he or she has committed adultery in his or her heart!

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt 5:28).

Additionally, your response needs to be a simple “yes,” or “no.” You do not need to explain why you cannot do something that another human is asking. They are not your God. You do not owe anyone an explanation unless you feel the Father is encouraging you to explain it.

As believers, our integrity matters so much so. If we are going to win over more hearts and souls to Christ, we must be great examples. We have to showcase a more excellent way (1 Cor 12:31) of living that will get people asking questions and wanting the peace, freedom, and everlasting joy we hold through Christ.

I encourage you to start practicing saying “I am sorry, but no” when you cannot do something. I encourage you to start saying yes without false hope. If you can do something, but you don’t know when you can get to it, that’s okay, but you need to let the person know. Speak with transparency. You can say, “I want to do it, but I will need to check my calendar first.” Allow people to see the entire picture, not just a sliver of the truth.

I also encourage you to start praying about what the Lord wants you to do in a matter. Allow the Lord to guide you in the appropriate response.

Prayer: Father, I see where I add useless words to what I am saying. I see there are times where I add oaths to things You don’t want me to add. I want to abide in Your truth and Your ways. Please help me to let my words be sincere, concrete, and truthful. I ask You to soften my heart and keep my eyes fixed on You. I pray that the revelation of letting my “yes” be “yes’ and “no” be “no” quickly comes. I don’t want to harm people or give anyone false hope. Would you please help me to have integrity like Christ in everything I do? Thank You for Your grace, Your help, and Your wisdom in all things. In Jesus’ name, Amen.